I am currently a year 2 undergraduate in the National University of Singapore (NUS) pursuing a Bachelor of Science (Chemistry) degree. Previously, I studied in “famous” schools such as National Junior College and River Valley High School. The strong academic learning culture in these schools has allowed me to develop to become an independent learner, with a strong passion to learn new concepts. Whenever there is something new that I am not entirely familiar with, I do not hesitate to ask questions and persevere on until I have the complete picture.
I like things to be organized and I follow a very tight schedule for my daily tasks. My insistence on producing quality work enabled me to shine out among my peers during my 2 year stint serving in the Singapore Armed Forces at Tengah Ammunition Depot. As such I was duly promoted to an appointment in the Depot Control Centre (DCC). This allowed me to cultivate my leadership skills as I was in charge of planning operations for the entire depot. Being very meticulous in my work, I always make a point of checking my work a few times to ensure that no mistakes are present. Being in a position of authority as a DCC operator, I also made sure that my colleagues conform to the same standard and not give any sloppy work. All these allowed my department to achieve zero findings during the Internal Quality Audit; no mean feat given the vast quantities of paperwork being churned out daily.
I am not afraid of hardship and have even stepped out of my comfort zone by working as a dishwasher for about 6 months before entering university. It was a novel experience and gave me valuable exposure; one that could not be gained in a classroom or office. In NUS, I have also participated in as many events as possible, such as helping out in the Trienniel Intervarity Games and various science fairs, so as to gain a wider exposure to different people and have a greater understanding for intercultural differences. I believe that my diligent nature and enthusiasm for trying out different things will see me in good stead in the future.
I like things to be organized and I follow a very tight schedule for my daily tasks. My insistence on producing quality work enabled me to shine out among my peers during my 2 year stint serving in the Singapore Armed Forces at Tengah Ammunition Depot. As such I was duly promoted to an appointment in the Depot Control Centre (DCC). This allowed me to cultivate my leadership skills as I was in charge of planning operations for the entire depot. Being very meticulous in my work, I always make a point of checking my work a few times to ensure that no mistakes are present. Being in a position of authority as a DCC operator, I also made sure that my colleagues conform to the same standard and not give any sloppy work. All these allowed my department to achieve zero findings during the Internal Quality Audit; no mean feat given the vast quantities of paperwork being churned out daily.
I am not afraid of hardship and have even stepped out of my comfort zone by working as a dishwasher for about 6 months before entering university. It was a novel experience and gave me valuable exposure; one that could not be gained in a classroom or office. In NUS, I have also participated in as many events as possible, such as helping out in the Trienniel Intervarity Games and various science fairs, so as to gain a wider exposure to different people and have a greater understanding for intercultural differences. I believe that my diligent nature and enthusiasm for trying out different things will see me in good stead in the future.
Hello Russell =)
ReplyDeleteI like the way you anaylse the dishwasher job experience! It is insightful. It instills uniqueness in your personal statement.
However, I do feel that the "famous" word usage is a bit inappropriate. If the reader is not from such schools, he/she might feel offended. Emphasis on their strong academic learning culture would be sufficient.
Thanks for the sharing =)
Rebecca
Hello Rebecca,
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting! That's why I put it in inverted commas, to show that it is merely a perceived notion and may or may not be true.
Dear Russell,
ReplyDeleteThe personal statement is clear and concise and generally fluent. In some cases, you explain your assertion that you are X well. In others, you don't. I have some suggestions:
1) The strong academic learning culture in these schools has allowed me to develop to become an independent learner, with a strong passion to learn new concepts. > Explain this. How did you become an independent learner, through what action on your part? Give an example of you learning a new concept thanks to your effort and experience. Maybe you can use an anecdote.
2) Give an example of how you produced quality work in your national service. Again, focus on a specific story.
2) I also made sure that my colleagues conform to the same standard and not give any sloppy work. > check your verb tense
I want to challenge you to reflect more critically on your draft. One way is to ask yourself whether or not you have supported your assertions enough. In this "statement" you need to imagine how you might do that more effectively. More concrete evidence is called for.
Thanks for your effort!
Thank you Brad. I have edited those parts that you highlighted as well as removing some pointers in order to better emphasize and elaborate on the rest.
ReplyDelete